I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
