wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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