I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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