Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
