I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize