I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
