I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
