This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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