Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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