hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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