so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
