Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
