Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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