dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
