I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
