I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
The air taste purple.
Randomize
