i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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