i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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