just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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