I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize