How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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