I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
