He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
