If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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