I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
