She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
