Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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