went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
