One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
