you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
