I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
