Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
