i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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