Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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