At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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