May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
