He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
