So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She's the barista slut.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Bring me that man meat
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
