He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
