I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
