I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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