I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's rum buckets o'clock
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
