they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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