Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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