I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
