i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
