Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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