I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize