i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
