my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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