you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
