WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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