I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
