somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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