oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
