Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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