I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
