Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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