i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
