We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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