Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
