I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I love you.
Bad choice
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
