Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
