dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
