Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
