You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
