So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
