Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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