remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
