Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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