On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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