dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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