you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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