I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize