my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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