he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
