I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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