btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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