Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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